The Trouble with Effort
I have become allergic to effort.
There was a seven minute gap between writing the end of that sentence and beginning this one, precisely because it was effort to think about what to write next. When I talk with my friend Jen about business growth ideas and things we could do more often than not my conclusion is “that would be good but honestly I can’t be arsed”.
This isn’t exactly something I’m proud of; as much as I don’t believe “she’s a hard worker” should be the pinnacle of a person’s worth and morality, I also don’t feel good, like my best self, when I avoid effort at all costs. I wonder whether this started when I decided to focus of freedom, ease, flow as the characteristics I was aiming for in my work - that if something doesn’t feel that way it is wrong or I simply don’t want to do it. But of course easeful isn’t the same as easy, freedom was never gained by avoiding hard things and it takes energy, effort, for a river to flow.
Perhaps my allergy developed earlier than that though. Perhaps it began in the ashes of a burnout where my brain linked “working”, “trying”, “making money”, “effort” to unhealth and collapse. Most likely, it is a mix of this trepidation, my convenient mis-definitions and a natural inclination to lie down (interestingly I can only exercise if I assure myself I will not try so hard I get sweaty beforehand). Either way, for months and months, effort has been the enemy to avoid at all costs.
But really, the issue isn’t effort at all - it’s the fear of effort. It is trying to avoid discomfort, to be afraid of strenuous energy expenditure. It’s numbing out. It’s not trying so that then you (I) can’t be disappointed.
Because actually, effort isn’t bad. I have spent months avoiding any yoga videos which contain the words “core” and “heat”, yet when I get going with my flow I find myself actually eager (?!) to stick a few sit ups in at the end. When I sit at the laptop and writing the next sentence is so hard if I hold on for ten more minutes I can usually start again. Effort is type two adventure: it doesn’t always feel good at the time, but the buzz of completion is absolutely worth it.
I have missed out by avoiding effort. I missed out on the fun I could have had being creative and experimenting with Reels and different post styles because it was too much effort to learn. I missed out on months of writing because it was too much effort to sit through the pain barrier. In Lisbon, I spent a lot of money on a day trip that wasn’t very good because it was too much effort to buy a ticket at the train station to go by myself. Every day I look at mountains that feel like too much effort to climb.
So now I am slowly slowly trying to make an effort, or rather, to not let the effort of doing something be the reason I don’t do it. That way regret lies, and a hollow life. It takes effort to steer yourself into a new lane, to stop going with the tide of others expectations and what’s normal and start to swim against it to your own island. It takes effort to reclaim your life. But that’s not a reason not to.
